Social
Discourse
“Telling
an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.”
Criss Jami
(Killosophy)
One of my goals for this
last stretch of life is to try to be more sociable. It's a massive
challenge. As an introvert, I don't make small-talk well, and
socializing in America is all about small talk. When I did the
research for the blog this morning, I found pages of quotes from
people who feel as I do about trying to make sense of social
encounters. I have been laughing my head off here on my early morning
porch and hoping I don't wake the neighbors, all of whom already
think me the crazy old eccentric of the neighborhood.
John Adams gave us a
suggestion for why small talk is better than intimacy:
“Nineteen-twentieths of [mankind is] opaque and unenlightened.
Intimacy with most people will make you acquainted with vices and
errors and follies enough to make you despise them.” Gee, John,
that's a little harsh, don't you think? All the same, best to keep
the conversation light.
In The Loved One, Evelyn
Waugh wrote: “They are a very decent, generous people out here
and they don't expect you to listen. Always remember that, dear boy.
It's the secret of social ease in this country. They talk entirely
for their own pleasure. Nothing they say is designed to be heard.”
Why didn't someone tell me that when I was 12 and heading into
puberty? How many awkward moments could I be spared when some
stranger at a cocktail party tells me his entire life story? Now I
know not to listen, just to smile and nod. Okay, so maybe that's what
I do anyway.
Jerome K. Jerome explains
why social discourse is such a minefield for some of us: “One of
the problems of social life is to know what to say to one another
when we meet; every man and woman's desire is to appear sympathetic
and clever, and this makes conversation difficult, because taking us
all around, we are neither sympathetic nor clever.”(Second Thoughts
of An Idle Fellow) Now that I knew. Being honest in our
conversation makes us a pariah. So, don't say what you really think,
dear boy.
Finally, Oliver North,
king of the NRA, gets right to the point—or the barrel as it were:
“Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone
you meet.” (Counterfeit Lies) Alrighty, then! This is so
exhausting, maybe I'll just rethink my goal for the last trimester of
life. I don't think I could pull it off anyway.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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