Being
Unsure
“Living
is a form of not being sure, not knowing what comes next or how. The
moment you know, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely
knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the
dark.”
Agnes de
Mille (dancer/choreographer, 1905-1993)
My son and I had a
conversation recently about where inspiration comes from. He's one of
those annoying people who dreams poems and songs full blown; when he
wakes up, he writes them down. As people around here say, “It ain't
right!” There's no effort, no toiling away over the proper word or
turn of phrase—just wake up, write it down. I have read other
authors, Elizabeth Gilbert for one, who say that inspiration does not
belong to them. It is a free agent in search of an open vessel. If
one person is closed, it moves on until it finds a more willing
recipient.
I think that is what
Agnes de Mille was referring to in the wonderful quote above that my
cousin, Sandy, sent to me. Creative people of all stripes have to be
content with not knowing—and they must be willing to follow
blindly. I have discovered that the minute I try, headstrong as I am,
to control where a piece of art is going, it dies on the vine. That's
true whether I am writing, sewing or painting. I must take one step
and wait for the next. It's an agonizingly slow and inefficient
process, but so is gestating a baby. If you want to create something
original, you must be patient with the process and keep your
controlling ego out of it until it's clear what comes next. A baby
forms itself—and so does a work of art.
If you are an accountant,
or a construction engineer, there are certain protocols that must be
followed—things must add up, or align perfectly. In fact, there are
dire consequences if you get creative in balancing the books, or in
building a bridge. But, when you do it correctly, your job is done,
you can check the box and move on. Sometimes, I would like for life
to be that exact, wouldn't you? Not easy, but if you are diligent and
follow the rules, the outcome is predictable. Not so for most of us.
We must be willing, as Agnes de Mille was, to leap without knowing
where we will land—to dance in the dark. We must stay open to the
roving muse. Living creatively is learning to trust that Spirit will
show up and lead you where you need to go.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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