Rejuvenation!

Real Conversation

“We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversations with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk.”

Thomas Moore (Care of the Soul)

One of the ways to relieve stress during the holidays, or anytime is to have real conversations with people whom you trust. By real, I mean honest, heartfelt, revealing. Truly, we may think we have those conversations all the time, but rarely do we. For one thing, such conversations take time, and practice. They require thought and listening. We have to dig deeply into ourselves and test the water by asking self-questions: How DO I feel about that? What is my “sling-shot” response, and then, what is my “depth-charge” response. Am I listening with the objective of responding, or with the objective of actually hearing and understanding? Most often, we rattle off words that sound engaging, but we almost never think deeply before we speak. At least, I find myself doing that.

When we walk away from “sling-shot” conversations, we may have been entertained, but we feel disconnected, even empty, as though all that passed between us was air. We have not connected with that human being with any part of ourselves beyond the surface—which is fine if you are at a cocktail party, or a holiday gala where casual conversation is the norm. When we walk away from a real conversation, we feel solid, related, and clear-headed. We have made visceral contact; we have connected at the level of the mind, the heart and the gut. We are rejuvenated.

I've found it is helpful to be intentional about gathering with people with whom I have a deep connection. It may sound contrived, but in my experience other people are just as hungry for open, honest conversation as I am. It can be intense; it takes getting used to and sometimes, we may feel intimidated by the novelty of such depth. It truly is unusual in our modern, hip culture to be so open—to resist falling into game-playing attempts at smart retorts and cliché responses. But real conversations stay with us; they propel our spiritual growth, and strengthen our courage and self-assurance in the face of turmoil. They help us to sort out what is important from what is trivial, and focus on what truly matters. In other words, real conversation is one way to nurture our souls.

                                                           In the Spirit,

                                                               Jane