Dark
Night Decisions
“One of
the hardest things to decide during a dark night is whether to
surrender or resist. The choice often comes down to what you believe
about God and how God acts, which means that every dark night of the
soul involves wrestling with belief.”
Barbara
Brown Taylor (Learning to Walk in the Dark)
There is a well known
piece of scripture from the Gospel of Luke (5:4-7), in which Jesus is
teaching on the shore of the Lake of Gennesaret, with people crowding
around him. Two fishing boats are there, the fishermen cleaning their
nets. Jesus gets into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon,
and after teaching a bit longer, he tells Simon, “Put out into
deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.” Simon says to
him, “Master, we have toiled all night and taken nothing, but if
you say so, I will let down the nets.” When he does, he catches
so many fish that the nets begin to break; he has to signal to his
partners on the shore to come and help. They come and fill both boats
so full that they almost sink. Every single part of this scripture
holds deep meaning for us today, both individually and collectively.
Each and every one of us
has had, or will have, a dark night of the soul—a night in which we
toil and toil, with seemingly no return. We just wrestle with the
darkness. We question our beliefs, our purpose in life, our next
steps; we question everything that has always before seemed solid and
reliable. It is as though we are standing on quick sand. At some
point, the question on this unstable ground becomes, do I stay or do
I go? Do I resist, or do I surrender. There is no right answer.
Sometimes, the best course is resistance, and sometimes, it is
surrender—Simon does a little of both. How human is that?
The take away here is not
the payout, though that is substantial; the most important part is
the wrestling. It is the soul searching, the questioning. If the boat
had been full of fish, Jesus likely would not have stepped into it.
We can't be full of our own answers and still be available to Spirit.
And, when Spirit steps into our little boat, we must be prepared to listen
and follow, even when the guidance seems far-fetched. I can almost
see Simon, skepticism written across his face—what could this
itinerant rabbi possibly know about fishing? After all, he, Simon,
makes his living every day fishing on the Lake of Gennesaret—he's
the expert! First he resists—then he surrenders, and the rewards
are undeniable.
Dark times call for
delving into the deep waters of our souls. We must trust that the
answers are there, like shining fish, waiting for us to discover
them. It is work; hard and heavy work. The nets may break, and we may
have to start over, or call for help. We cannot avoid the work, or
the darkness. But, I believe that help will come—scripture backs
that up. Our job is to keep on asking questions, keep on searching
for answers, and above all, keep the faith that we will receive
them—filled up and over flowing.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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