Retrospection
“Life...is
like that. You live it forward, but understand it backward.”
Abraham
Verghese (Cutting for Stone)
Isn't it true that we
only understand the events our lives, even ones that brought about
great change, when we see them in the rear-view mirror? In any human
lifetime, a tremendous amount happens before the age of reason,
before the child has the ability to comprehend, much less
communicate. We only discover the effects of such events when they
jump into our faces as adults.
Our nature, our ways of
coping, are formed early and usually remain with us throughout life.
As a child, my way of dealing with a difficult family life was to
withdraw. I spent many days out in the woods around our home,
studying life near the ground. Some of my very early memories are
from my father's garden—running down rows of tasseling corn,
pinching tomato leaves to smell their uniquely sharp scent. I spent
hours disturbing ant mounds and watching the workers scurry about
collecting eggs and larvae and carrying them underground. I loved to
catch flies and feed them to the praying mantises that were abundant
then.
Two weeks of summer spent
at my grandparents' house in Jefferson City, TN, provided a little
island of peace and harmony. Mother and Mama put up the produce from
Mama's garden, canning or freezing, and sewed our school clothes. Two
of my favorite smells are that of cut grass, a memory from my
grandfather's candy apple red electric mower, and the curly mint that
Mama put in iced tea. It grew in great abundance around their
outside water faucet. All of these sweet memories are with me today,
more than six decades later.
What we humans tend to
focus on in our life review are the bad things that happened when we
were children. I've found it useful to resurrect the good memories.
If we are here today, and relatively emotionally intact, there were
people and places that supported us even when the environment of our
family was hard. I am having fun getting to know who I was as a child
by looking closely at who I am now. We grow, we learn, we change, but
remnants of the little girl or little boy we were are still alive and
well. Being conscious of where behaviors and mannerisms come from
brings life full circle and connects all the segments into a whole
piece. It's a good feeling. I hope you will give it a try.
In the Spirit,
Jane
No comments:
Post a Comment