Solitary
Time
“I think
of...solitary time as time in which to plant seeds that will grow and
flower in unknown, undiscovered parts of my life.”
Alexandra
Stoddard (Living a Beautiful Life, p. 91)
Rainer Maria Rilke wrote
in Letters to a Young Poet, “Everything is gestation and
then birthing.” He believed that we need solitude in which to
dive deep into ourselves without distractions. How else are we to
separate our own wants, needs and goals from the clamoring needs
of others. Most of us keep a calendar on which we write every
meeting, appointment and social event—rarely do we write in
“solitary time.” One of the greatest obstacles to any sort of creative work
is distractions, which is why many artists and writers have remote
studio space or travel away from home to work.
For reasons I don't quite
understand, many of us have a fear of solitary time; of being alone.
The idea of open space, of unstructured time, causes anxiety. “What
would I do?” is a frequent question. But once we build that time
into our day, we come to rely on it, to look forward to it. Our
bodies become accustomed to regular exercise, and we notice a
difference in our overall well-being when we exercise daily. The same
is true for solitary time. We need it to function well.
People who work at 8-5
jobs everyday may have to be a bit more creative. It may require
getting up earlier, or turning off the TV or the computer at night
and just being, rather than doing. People who have young children
know how difficult it is to create time alone, to sort out some sense
of self from the wants and needs of others. We must be intentional
about doing it. Allowing time for solitude, for space to think one's
own thoughts, is every bit as important to good parenting as folding
the laundry, or getting the kids lunches ready for the next day. It
improves our coping skills, our fatigue level, and our organizational
efficiency. We make time for everything else—for everyone else—so
making fifteen to thirty minutes a day for silence and solitude is
not an impossible task.
In A Room of One's
Own, Virginia Woolf wrote, “In solitude we give passionate
attention to our lives, to our memories, to the details around us.”
This attention to our inner and outer life pays out quality-of-life
dividends. Some of us have difficulty remembering certain years of
our lives—myself included. Our children will say, “remember
when...” and we don't; that is because we simply weren't there. Our
attention was scattered to the four winds. We were keeping all the
balls, except for our own, in the air at all times. Savoring our
moments, even writing down what we don't want to forget, is well
worth the time it takes to do it.
Final thoughts: Give
yourself some time today to discover what you're thinking and
feeling—a gift to yourself, and to everyone around you.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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