Contradictions
“Everything
about me is a contradiction, and so is everything about everybody
else. We are made out of oppositions; we live between two poles.
There is a philistine and an aesthete in all of us, and a murderer
and a saint. You don't reconcile the poles. You just recognize them.”
Orson
Welles
Someone
told me recently that I am “split.” When they read my blog, they
wonder, “Who is this person? This is not the Jane I know!” I
share Orson Welles' predicament; he said of himself, “I have an
unfortunate personality.” The truth is, we all live in the split,
though most of us don't acknowledge it. Most of us attempt to navigate the
middle ground between the saint and the sinner. We have access to a
part of us that is open-hearted and compassionate. And, we also have
the capacity to say and do hurtful things, either intentionally or
unconsciously. The key is to recognize that we are capable of both,
and to never imagine that one exists without the other.
Being
aware of as many facets of ourselves as possible means that we have
the ability to make choices. I can, and you can, choose to act from
one side or the other, or simply to remain neutral. On the other
hand, if I am unaware of the philistine in me—the one who is
hostile or indifferent to culture, and cultural norms—I may do
irreparable harm to myself, or someone else. I may choose to flaunt
my indifference to those cultural norms, as did the neo-Nazis and
white supremacists in Charlottesville, but I should be prepared for
the consequences of my actions. If I do not recognize the philistine
side of my psyche, then I will see myself as a victim even when I am
the one who brought about the perceived injustice. I will blame
someone else, rather than take responsibility for my actions. We see
a lot of that today.
There
is no getting around, nor dissolving the existence of the opposites
within and without. But there is still hope. That hope is that we are
moving toward greater consciousness. We are realizing that there is
no one who is all good/all bad among us—each of us has the capacity
for both. It is our level of consciousness that will determine which
choices we make.
Don't
jettison your “bad” side too quickly, though. You may need the
strength it brings to deal with the difficulties of this human life.
Here's what Orson Welles said about that: “I don't say we all ought
to misbehave, but we ought to look as if we could.” Life's a
mystery to be lived, not solved. Embrace your contradictions.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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