Love
Your Neighbor
“The
hardest spiritual work in the world is to love the neighbor as the
self—to encounter another human being not as someone you can use,
change, fix, help, save, enroll, convince, or control, but simply as
someone who can spring you from the prison of yourself, if you will
allow it.”
Barbara
Brown Taylor
Barbara Brown Taylor can
hit the nail on the head for me faster than a bolt of lightening. In
one sentence, she can state the simple truth of my own spiritual
work, show me just how long the path is and how far I have yet to
go. I'd have to live in complete isolation on the side of a remote
mountain to quash my impulse to fix, help, control and convince other
people to see the world as I do. I wonder about you—do you ever ask
yourself, “How on earth did I get to be this opinionated person?”
Jesus saw it this way—all
the commandments boil down to just two: Love God with all your heart,
soul and mind, and love your neighbor as much as you love yourself.
Our point of confusion, at least mine, is what does it mean to love my neighbor?
Love them and let them self-destruct if that is their choice? Love
them and attempt to control by way of criticism or praise. Show your
love by trying to convince them of the error of their ways? Intervene
in their lives to save them from suffering the consequences of their
own choices? What does it mean to love them as you love yourself?
Here's what I think it
means—though, I can't always practice what I preach. Ask questions
such as, “How can I help?” or “Do you want my help?” rather
than simply assuming someone desires my input or opinion. Affirm
them: “I know you'll figure this out.” or “You can do this.”
and then be available but not intrusive. And, finally, unless asked,
keep our opinions to ourselves. This is most difficult to put into
practice with our own children, and sometimes, with our elderly
parents, because they are the people we most want to shield and
protect. We don't want anything bad to happen to them because of the
pain it would cause us. And, of course, because we love them.
Love is a complicated
business. We think we know what we mean when we say, “I love you.”
but often we act in ways that are not loving. The spiritual path is
not meant to be easy—those two commandments are the most complex
tasks we humans encounter on our journey from birth to death. We are
doing our spiritual work when we keep going in spite of our
failures—keep striving to know what it means to love, and to act in
loving ways. That IS the path. It is the journey that matters
and not the destination.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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