Words
Matter
“If you
have an over-preoccupation with perception and trying to please
people's expectations, then you can go mad.”
Benedict
Cumberbatch
The 12-Step folks say,
“What someone else thinks of you is none of your business.” I
like that, and remind myself of it on a regular basis. But most of
us, regardless of how imperious we may be, feel wounded by criticism.
There is a very fine line between speaking honestly, and being
critical. It is a line that I tread on it almost every day.
It's important to be
sensitive, and to try in every circumstance to be kind. But there is
also justifiable reason to be honest; to be authentic in expressing
the way you see the world. Sometimes those two can clash, and you
have to choose which is more important. And, of course, some of us
are more diplomatic in our manner of speaking. And some of us have no
concern at all as to whether we are offensive; we just say whatever
drops onto our tongue, and let the chips fall where they may.
Part of becoming
conscious is being aware of how our speech, and the content of our
words affects others. An important question is, do our words
actually express our own truth, or are we just saying what we think
will please? If we are callous with other people's feelings, that
says more about us than about them. If we are always trying to say
what someone else wants to hear, that also says more about us than
them. Wrestling with one's authentic thoughts and mode of expression
is important soul work. It's far easier to simply say what is
expedient in the moment, or to strike and wound with words, than to thoughtfully consider what to say. The danger is
that you lose yourself that way. You wake up one day and realize that
you have no idea what you believe, think or feel because you've been
so busy trying to please others, or being strident and opinionated.
This is not meant to
encourage you to beat yourself up for all the insensitive things
you've said in your life; only to make you aware of how you speak
yourself. I, personally, need that
reminder every day, since I tend to be a plain-spoken—some would
say blunt—person. Part of the quest for consciousness is
confronting and accepting that we aren't perfect, that we aren't
always right, and that other people have a right to their own
opinions even when they don't agree with us. Note to self: It's okay to
disagree—just try to do so in a kind way.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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