Karma
“Perhaps
the mightiest law of the universe, Karma, is not some malicious force
that boomerangs our wrong-doings back to us. It is the energetic
accumulation of every one of our actions, both good and bad. And
Karma has a reputation for repeating itself.”
Dr. Carmen
Herra (The 4 Kinds of Love Relationships, Huffington Post, May 14,
2014)
This month includes
Valentine's Day, when we celebrate our love relationships. Let me
begin by saying that there is nothing quite like love to absolutely
break you down and smash your heart to pulp. Just saying. But having
gotten that off my chest, allow me to elaborate a little on the
variety of love relationships. I don't know about you, but I was
taught the Disney version of love; you fall in love with someone, you
marry them, and then you live happily ever after. The "happily ever after" part was the marker of a real relationship. When your primary love
bond does not last a lifetime, the feeling of abject failure is
overwhelming, and often reinforced by a culture that says you must
remain married at all cost—you took a vow to bind yourself to this
person “until death do you part.” People have long since figured
out that “death” means a lot of things, but knowing that does not
always heal the feelings of failure.
Psychologist, Dr. Carmen
Herra, identifies at least four types of love relationships—all of
them valid. The first is transitory love, which bridges a gap between
two seasons of life; two relationships, for instance. In the gap
between divorce and remarriage, for many people, a transitory
relationship can function to ease the pain of break-up, and restore
confidence in one's ability to love and be loved again. Transitory
relationships are often fiery in the beginning, as pent-up passion
runs amok, but then cool to the freezing point once sanity returns.
They may be painful, but they serve a purpose, none the less.
Karmic love is the result
of an accumulation of the energy of our actions, both positive and
negative, that require resolution. This is where we run into our
patterns—attracting, and being attracted to the same kind of person
over and over. The hamster-wheel feeling we have, the question, “Why
do I keep falling for this type?” is a good one to ask. And, not only ask, but wrestle with. Awareness
and action are required to break any problematic pattern. The
“owning” of the pattern is crucial. It is MY pattern, and not the
other way around. Karmic love may last forever, or it, too, may be
transitory. Either way, it can be quite enriching and life-changing
because of the personal work it evokes.
And then there's the kind
of love in which two people simply grow comfortable with one another.
They're not “in love” but they are caring and considerate of one
another. Some call this “settling,” and I suppose it is, but many
marriages grow into this particular category over time. The
relationship is stationary—it feels secure, if not passionate. We
get used to each others' quirks and characteristics, and, while they
may be irritating, we learn to accommodate and tolerate them. We may
find ourselves gritting our teeth pretty often, but not enough to
launch out on our own. Very often financial considerations are the
glue that holds this kind of love in place.
And, finally, Dr. Herra
includes the soul mate sort of love. The one we say we want, but
rarely find. It is the sort of love that becomes a singular focus,
sometimes to the point of absorption and isolation. People often
describe it as “love at first sight.” They knew at some very deep
level that this would be their mate for life. Soul mates express the
phenomenon of knowing what the other will say before they say it,
being so like-minded that no discussion is needed, as though there is
only one person with two bodies. Just thinking about it kind of gives
us independent types shortness of breath!
All kinds of love, whether temporary or long-term, are valid. We can't have too much love. The
more we love, the better our lives will be. Yes, there is pain
associated with love, but it's worthy pain! Don't stop loving because
of pain. Leave your heart open. The more open your heart, the more
positive Karma you generate. And that, my friend, is a very good thing.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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