Refuge
“My
prayer became, 'May I find peace...May I love this life no matter
what.' I was seeking an inner refuge, an experience of presence and
wholeness that could carry me through whatever losses might come.”
Tara Brach
(True Refuge)
A refuge is a place of
safety. We think of it as external; a physical location, a shelter,
where we can go to be safe from harm. In Alabama, whenever tornadoes
are in the forecast, shelters are set up where people can go to
protect themselves. These refuges may not be comfortable, but at
least, they're safe. The same can be said for shelters for people
who are homeless—safe refuges, but certainly not luxurious.
But what if the danger we
experience is not external. What if our greatest enemy is not a
tornado, fire, or flood, but an inner critic. A voice inside our head
that tells us how unworthy we are; sometimes, even how disgusting we
are. Our inner critic may speak in the voice of our mother, who said such things as, “Oh, my dear, you would be so pretty if you just
lost ten pounds,” or perhaps, “Son, you would be such a catch if
only you didn't slouch, and please, get a haircut!” Or, our father,
whose face may have shown genuine disappointment that we were not the
beauty queen, or the football star, or the smartest card in the deck. A seed of love, and a seed of hate are sown together, and we
have trouble perceiving the love. Instead, we internalize the hate,
and then feed it to ourselves like grain through a hopper.
We must create our own
inner refuge—our place of safety, where those messages are not
allowed. It's not easy. It takes some digging. It may feel
uncomfortable at first—like we're lying to ourselves. But if we
cushion it with affirmation, light a few candles of love and hope,
throw in some prayers for health and peace, we can get used to it. In
fact, we may even feel happy going there often. We may learn to love
life, no matter what it brings, because within us there is refuge.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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