Life
of Meaning
“...the
last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given
set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”
Viktor
Frankl (Man's Search for Meaning)
I have pondered my Aunt
Lane's life over the past weeks. When I left her on Sunday, she was
the most peaceful dying person I have ever seen, and, let me tell
you, I have a broad basis for comparison. There she lay, on her side,
fist tucked under chin, seeming sound asleep, with a half-smile on
her face. My immediate thought was, I want to die like that—at
peace, knowing I have done what I could, and ready to see what comes
next. If the deaths of all my family members have taught me one
thing, it is that people die the way they have lived.
When I returned home to
Alabama, I had emails from two friends; one who had done ritual for a
friend who is choosing to die today due to debilitating, incurable
disease, and one who sent an article from The Atlantic about the
difference between a “happy” life and a “meaningful” life. I
love the serendipitous ways that people appear when you need them. I
also had a letter in snail mail from my friend, Cedric, who has just
begun graduate school, an exciting new chapter in his young life that
includes teaching in a prison. All of these together simply warmed my
heart.
The article in The
Atlantic, by Emily Esfahani Smith, was published January 9, 2013, and
titled, “There's More to Life Than Being Happy.” It is based on
the work of Viktor Frankl, the Jewish psychiatrist and neurologist
who survived the Nazi death camps, and wrote the classic book,
Man's Search for Meaning. Also, on the findings of researchers,
Roy Baumeister, Kathleen Vohs, Jennifer Akers, and Emily Barbinsky
who published their results in the Journal of Psychology. They found
that there is quite a difference between leading a happy life, and
leading a meaningful life. Being happy, it seems, is based on getting
one's own needs met, while finding meaning, is based on being able to
help others get their needs met. In other words, finding a useful
purpose to which to devote one's life. Frankl suggested moving from
the attitude that life owes me something and I will be happy only
when I get it, to “realizing that life is still expecting
something of [me],” and I will find depth of meaning in
fulfilling that responsibility. He said, “Happiness cannot be
pursued; it must ensue.” Happiness, like all emotions, is
fleeting, while meaningfulness endures.
I think my Aunt Lane
led a meaningful life. I remember when she more or less ran a cottage
industry making baby blankets for the multitude of grands and
great-grands that her prodigious family produced—four children,
nine grandchildren, twelve great-grandchildren, and more on the way.
She didn't have two cents to rub together, but somehow or other, she
turned out those beautiful works of art for her babies. She “spent”
her life, rather than saving it. Her reward seems to be deep peace at the
end. Peace that passes understanding. I want that. Don't you?
In the Spirit,
Jane
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