Forgiveness
“Grudges
are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness,
however, is for those who are substantial enough to move on.”
Criss Jami
(In Every Inch In Every Mile)
Ah, forgiveness, my old
friend. Those of you who read this blog on a regular basis must think
I have a restricted interest in peace and forgiveness because I write
about them so much. The truth is, I just don't know anything more
important than those two personal qualities in terms of being sound
of mind and happy in spirit. Carrying a grudge is like having a big,
dirty rock in the pit of your stomach. It may not grow, but neither
does it shrink. It just sits there being weighty. It takes up space
and dirties up everything you say or do. Its very heaviness directs
your mind to focus on it, to feel its weight. Sometimes it sticks
out—people see the grudge you are carrying because your behavior
clearly shows it—it affects your body language, and your manner of
speaking yourself.
Grudges and big old rocks
in the belly require surgery. They need to be excised because there's
no other way to rid ourselves of them. Such surgery may be painful,
since in some ways we identify with the rock; it belongs to us, after
all. Some of us have built our personality, even our way of life
around that grudge, and to remove it would mean starting over. It
would mean learning who we are without that rock to stand on. We may
even say, “I can't forgive,” or, more likely, “I can forgive,
but I won't forget,” which is the same thing. There's no point in
doing surgery and taking out only part of the rock. Removal must be
complete, or nothing is gained.
The only way of removing
a grudge is forgiveness. And that forgiveness must be complete. Not
because you weren't wronged—you may have been legitimately
wronged—but because, quite simply, the rock belongs to you, and
only you can remove it. Give it a decent burial, and move on. What
you will gain is freedom—and possibly as side dish of joy.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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