Defining
Tribe
“Robert
Frost famously wrote that home is the place where, when you go there
they have to take you in. The word “tribe” is far harder to
define, but a start might be the people you feel compelled to share
the last of your food with.”
Sebastian
Junger (Tribe)
I have long wondered why
we mark human history by wars. And, why is it that men and women who
have fought in wars see that time as a high point in their lives. I
remember my dad, forty years after the fact, talking with men who
served along side him in the Pacific during World War II. They didn't
speak of the dead on the battlefield, their own or the Japanese, they
spoke of the horseplay among them as brothers. I have faded photos of
rows of Quonset huts, and men in boxer shorts and hard hats, all
smiles. I know from other stories and photos that they fought, and
killed, and buried the dead, and were deeply scarred by all that
killing and all the blood. And yet, what they most remembered was the
brotherhood among them; they served one another, they forged a bond
of trust that each of them would have the others backs. Even though
there were personality differences, they pledged themselves to the
care and protection of all. That's tribe. It's hard to find in the
world today.
Most of the research on
tribal groups indicates that we max out at about one hundred fifty
people with whom we can have rich and lasting relationships. Most of
us, however, don't have that. As we've come to rely upon our online
relationships more and more, we've become less and less connected to
tribe. One of the things that bonds soldiers in war is hardship.
Contrary to common belief, human relationships thrive when times are
hard. The suicide and addiction rates go dramatically up in affluent,
low hardship cultures. When we have to pull together, we bond. When
we have the luxury of self-reliance, we flounder.
The other
misunderstanding we have about bonding is thinking we don't need all
the animal instincts and rituals. We forget the important role that
pheromones, and eye dilation and scent play in connecting with
another human being. We don't get that any other way except up close
and personal. You can't give someone a hand-up, or even a hand
shake—the human ritual of touch—on a computer or cell phone. A
text does not carry the tones and rhythm of a human voice. All these
go into creating tribe, and tribe creates trust, and trust creates
safety.
Today, I hope you will
consider your own tribe. Reach out and touch someone—with your
hand, not your cell phone.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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