Angry
Words
“If
you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished.”
Rumi
In
The Untethered Soul, Michael J. Singer writes that our
tendency to be easily irritated is a remnant of the fight or flight
response in a culture that no longer has everyday physical threats.
Most of us have met our basic needs, so now our sympathetic nervous
system has turned its sensitive trigger toward psychological and
emotional threats. When someone says something hateful or derogatory
to us, our immediate response is defensive, just as it would be if
there were a physical threat. It really doesn't take much to set us
off—a turn of phrase, a cynical toss of head, rolled eyes. Many of
us wear our sensitivity like a feather in our cap, easily blown by
the wind. It's surprising how much energy goes into defending this
delicate ego-self.
When
we react in this defensive manner, we feel disturbed for some time.
Sometimes we keep the anger response boiling away inside by
self-talk. “What is her problem!” “She's got a lot of nerve!”
Even when the slight we experienced was minor, we build on it with
our thoughts, like fanning a flame. Sometimes our reactions to the
initial affront become excessive, and that flame bursts into a bush
fire. Doors are slammed, words yelled, and sometimes, violence
ensues.
We
can learn otherwise, if we choose. We can learn to override that
system when it comes to mere words or gestures. We can simply blow it
off, choose not to shut down, or explode. We can choose to
simply let it roll away with no attention given. We can decide that
our energy is more precious than that, and there are better uses for
it than striking back. We can breathe into our bellies and exhale all
that ugliness. Life is a gift. Let's not waste it in a war of angry
words.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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