Unselfish
Love
“Love
can be unselfish, in the sense of being benevolent and generous,
without being selfless.”
Mortimer
Adler
Most
of us will do anything we possibly can to help our children. We
sacrifice while they are growing up—our freedom, our energy, our
finances, and at times, our sleep and our mental health. We continue
to assist for as long as necessary to see them successfully fledged.
There comes a point, however, when our continuous sacrifice is
neither helpful, nor generous. We can actually block their
development when we fail to let go, and allow them to assume the
fullness of adult life.
The
same is true with our love relationships. We willingly give up large
chunks of ourselves to accommodate a spouse or partner. We make
choices, or fail to make choices that would further our own
opportunities in deference to our mate. We sometimes abandon our own
passions in order to be available to the relationship. In many ways,
sacrifice is essential to maintaining a partnership that is
workable and healthy. But, continuous sacrifice, especially when it
is one-sided, is often the nail in the coffin for long term
relationships. It gives rise to anger and resentment on one side, and
boredom and disinterest on the other.
Healthy
relationships of any kind require us to adjust, to negotiate in
deference to the union. But healthy relationships are forged by
healthy people—and continuous and relentless selflessness is not
healthy. Having one's own life, and being deeply involved in that
life, is healthy. It gives us more to share. We can be loving and
still care for ourselves. We can be unselfish without being selfless.
We can learn to say, “No,” when that answer is in the best
interest of all concerned.
I
wonder whether there is someone to whom you need to lovingly say,“No.” Is today the day to do that?
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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