Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Get Out of the Shadows

Live Out Loud
We are here to live out loud.”
Balzac

I recently had a conversation over dinner with a woman who had just delivered her daughter to college a week early so that she could go through sorority rush. She told me how many sororities the girl had visited so far (26), and how many (6) had sent her a letter of invitation “to continue the conversation.” This mother spoke of receiving a panicked phone call from her daughter saying exactly what brand of dress the sorority girls wear, and what sort of purse they carry. She had neither, though she certainly had charming clothes and accessories. Her mother said, “She's going to be crushed if she isn't invited to join at least one,” and then added, “but we can't afford to pay two hundred dollars per dress and purse.” The mother and her child were equally distressed.

Perhaps they will realize that she will survive, receive an excellent education, and create valuable friendships even if she's rejected by the Greek apparatus on campus. I wish I could say that we get over it when we're rejected by such a system, but many of us don't. We carry that need for recognition, that concept of ourselves as a reject, into adulthood. It stretches beyond our social lives, and into our work, and our intimate relationships. We spend so much time and energy trying to please others, trying to be accepted as “one of them,” that we completely lose touch with ourselves. It's hard, isn't it, to realize that we can live quite well without fitting into a mold designed by others.

When Balzac said that we are meant to live out loud, he didn't mean that we are to sing in a chorus, though that is sometimes fun to do. He didn't mean that we're supposed to spend our precious lives trying to wear the right clothes, say the right words, and join the proper clubs. He meant that we're to find our own voice, our own style, our own way of being in the world, and then live from it authentically. We're not to live in the shadows cast by the “right” people.” We're to stand in the light of our own gifts and abilities and add our own voice to the conversation.

Live out loud today. Be who you are.

                                                                In the Spirit,

                                                                     Jane

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