Thursday, July 2, 2015

Who said that!

Surprise!

I'm not who you think I am...Maybe I wasn't who I think I was either.”
Aimee Friedman (Sea Change)

It's always enlightening to see an unknown side of oneself jump out when we least expect it. Typically, stress creates the conditions under which we react in ways that are alien to our concept of who we are. There is an external trigger, and suddenly we're saying and doing things we didn't intend to say or do. We may express long held back feelings, either positive or negative, as though a dam has broken and nothing can hold back the flood. And sometimes, what comes out of our mouth is as big a surprise to us as to anyone else. We think, “Did I just say that? Where did that come from?”

We humans have so many facets, and like an iceberg, many of them are under water. In stressful situations, we may see our father's aggressive personality emerge in us, or speak with our mother's nervous words. We can be suddenly flipped back to a younger self, with hurt feelings, and feel like crying. All these things are normal human emotions—opportunities to learn something we didn't know about ourselves. The fact that we don't like what shows up, does not mean that we should stuff it back in its box and close the lid. We not only repress our negative personality traits, sometimes our positive ones end up in the closet, too.

I have learned a lot about myself in the last three weeks. Some of it isn't pretty, but it's important to know. I'm glad to see what I'm capable of, both good and bad. It helps me decide about future trips and traveling companions, and gives me a better understanding of where my stress fractures lie.

Increasing consciousness requires looking at all our quirks and characteristics—the good, the bad and the ugly. The less we fear their honesty, the more likely they are to be incorporated, and the next time they pop out, we will recognize them. We'll have history together—like old friends.

                                                          In the Spirit,
                                                               Jane


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