Surprise!
“I'm
not who you think I am...Maybe I wasn't who I think I was either.”
Aimee
Friedman (Sea Change)
It's
always enlightening to see an unknown side of oneself jump out when
we least expect it. Typically, stress creates the conditions under
which we react in ways that are alien to our concept of who we are.
There is an external trigger, and suddenly we're saying and doing
things we didn't intend to say or do. We may express long held back
feelings, either positive or negative, as though a dam has broken and
nothing can hold back the flood. And sometimes, what comes out of our
mouth is as big a surprise to us as to anyone else. We think, “Did
I just say that? Where did that come from?”
We
humans have so many facets, and like an iceberg, many of them are
under water. In stressful situations, we may see our father's
aggressive personality emerge in us, or speak with our mother's
nervous words. We can be suddenly flipped back to a younger self,
with hurt feelings, and feel like crying. All these things are normal
human emotions—opportunities to learn something we didn't know
about ourselves. The fact that we don't like what shows up, does not
mean that we should stuff it back in its box and close the lid.
We not only repress our negative personality traits, sometimes
our positive ones end up in the closet, too.
I
have learned a lot about myself in the last three weeks. Some of it
isn't pretty, but it's important to know. I'm glad to see what I'm
capable of, both good and bad. It helps me decide about future trips
and traveling companions, and gives me a better understanding of
where my stress fractures lie.
Increasing
consciousness requires looking at all our quirks and
characteristics—the good, the bad and the ugly. The less we fear
their honesty, the more likely they are to be incorporated, and the
next time they pop out, we will recognize them. We'll have history
together—like old friends.
In the Spirit,
Jane
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