Pulling
One's Own Strings
“The
greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.”
Michel
de Montaigne
I
had a conversation with a young woman on Tuesday night. She is
entering into her final year of college and trying to decide between
two career paths. She has one idea, and her parent has a different
idea. She is swayed by the age and life experience of her parent, but
torn because it is not what she wants to do. I know so many people
who, when young, allowed parental pressure to determine their course
in life. It is almost always a mistake. Parents sometimes use the
power of the purse to coerce their offspring to go in a preferred
direction—“I am the one who is paying for it, therefore, you will
do as I say.” Or, the false freedom of, “You can do that, of
course, but I won't pay for it.” Perhaps this is the true challenge
of adulthood—making a choice that is not sanctioned by the
parents—and not paid for by them.
Becoming
ones own person is both exhilarating and terrifying. It requires that
we take risks; that we venture out on uncharted water. It may involve
loneliness, and even rejection. And, sometimes, we make “wrong”
decisions; though, by wrong, I mean they don't turn out as we
imagined. Sometimes, we have to make a U-turn and start over. But
that is exactly how we acquire life experience. Instant success
doesn't happen for most of us; and, when it does, may be a worst
possible outcome. We may even end up following that gratifying
success into a profession or a lifestyle we despise, but feel trapped
within.
In
my world view, all of life is for the purpose of gaining experience.
We gain it simply by living with the choices we make each day. We are
informed by what feels right, and also by what feels wrong. We are
meant to experiment and conclude; to try things and to reject things,
to wrestle with challenges, to live rather than to exist. Taking the
reins of one's own life may happen at any age—not just when we are
young. If someone else is pulling your strings today, you can decide
whether to remain a marionette, or like Pinocchio, to become a real
person. All it takes is courage.
In the
Spirit,
Jane
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