Love
Relationships
“A
mermaid found a swimming lad,
Picked
him for her own,
Pressed
her body to his body,
Laughed;
and plunging down
Forgot
in cruel happiness
That
even lovers drown.”
William
Butler Yeats
I
woke this morning with an old song playing in my head. If you were
coming of age in the 1960's you'll remember it. The refrain went,
“Blue, navy blue, I'm as blue as I can be. Cause my steady boy
said, 'Ships ahoy,' and joined the Navy.” I guess the whole
Valentine's Day event dredged it up from my psyche. We all want so
much to be “in love” for our whole lives. And, I have to say,
some people seem to do just that. For most of us, though, love is a
process.
Relationships,
especially love relationships, are complicated critters. They're like
one of those holographic images that show all the dimensions both
inside and out. There's a mixture of both party's tribal training,
their family rules and taboos, the complexities of their individual
heritage, personality, and their community's expectations. There's
a lot to negotiate beyond being smitten by someone's good looks and
perky personality. All this has to be brought to the surface and
brokered before true colors show forth and we're looking, not at an
image, but at the real human being. It is normal, and actually
healthy, to like some parts and wish we could change others. Its this
“rub” in good relationships that causes us to mature—or not!
And
then there's the whole challenge of keeping one's own person-hood as
a unique and singular being within an intense pairing. Relationships
change us, their demands require that we give up the selfish parts of
ourselves; the parts that, as a child, we'd snatch back as “Mine!”
Life as a couple is a constant dance of give and take, like a
complicated Virginia Reel where we have to get the moves right or
throw the whole thing into chaos. I admire people who seem to pull it
off, especially over the long haul.
I
hope everyone had a lovely and loving Valentine's Day.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
No comments:
Post a Comment