Good
Advice
“She
generally gave herself very good advice (though she very seldom
followed it).” Lewis Carroll
Do
you ever wonder how the human inclination for giving “good advice”
began? What is it about us that we feel compelled to give advice? Is
it simple arrogance, or an honest desire to help? When I was in high
school, I became known for giving “advice to the lovelorn,” and,
Lord knows, I had a lot of experience with being lovelorn—but
shouldn't that be a reason NOT to advise anyone else? Nowadays,
people going through rough patches in their marriages will ask
advisory questions, and I always say, “I'm the last person to give
advice on marriage!” But of course, that doesn't stop me from
giving it.
When
I was a counselor, people wanted guidance on how to handle
life's difficulties. Sometimes, when I refused to give advice, they
were so vexed they didn't come back, thinking I hadn't earned my
money. But when I succumbed to the lure of advising, they hardly ever
did what I suggested—in fact, there is some evidence that
counselors should advise clients to do the exact opposite of what
they truly think would be helpful. It's more productive.
It
seems a uniquely human condition both to give advice, and to ignore
it. Perhaps it comes from our religions, with all the rules handily
listed as “Thou shalt,” and “Thou shalt not...” In the Bible,
there are entire books filled with good advice—all of which are resoundingly
ignored by believers. Parents give excellent counsel to their
children—it gives the kids a template for defiance. We just can't seem
to help ourselves.
When
we inhabit our own lives fully, with awareness and conscious intent,
we may guide others by example if they choose to follow. But people
are free to do what they want; free to make their own mistakes
without interference. That's how we learn to live authentically.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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