Playing
the Blame Game
“All
blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with
another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change
you. The only thing blame does is keep the focus off you when you are
looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or
frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about
something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever
it is about you that is making you unhappy.”
Wayne
Dyer
We
live in a litigious society. Whenever something happens that we don't
like, our first response is to place blame. As of 2007, there were
1,143,358 practicing lawyers in the US alone. I was recently on a
jury in a case where no one involved on either side was innocent;
everyone had done their share of harm. Yet that one unfortunate
incident had spawned no fewer than three lawsuits.
As
a counselor, I listened to many hours of blaming—blaming each
other, blaming one's parents, blaming one's ethnicity and another's
prejudice. In all cases, there was plenty of blame to go around. And
that is just what blame does; it goes around, like a dog chasing its
tail. It may feel needed and justified in the moment, but it gets you
no closer to finding a solution to the problem.
I
understand the need to spend some time licking a wound. It hurts to
be wronged, whether in a relationship, a job, or being cut off on the
highway. It makes us grouchy. But when blame becomes a lifestyle, the
problem is not with everyone else. Sooner or later, we must face
ourselves and let the rest of the world off the hook. Then, we stand
a chance of healing. When we insist on daily scratching
the scab off our old wound so we can watch it bleed, we keep it
alive. And we keep ourselves dead.
One
step toward embracing life, is acceptance of life on its own terms.
People will hurt you, people will be less than you'd hoped for, and
sometimes, disappointment will be your closest companion. But, blame
will not get you where you want to go. If there is someone you are
holding hostage with blame today, make a decision to free them, and
in the process you may open yourself to joy.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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