Down Time

Personal Space

“Kindly remove thyself from my personal space!”

            Everybody has need of personal space to varying degrees. I happen to be one of “those people” who needs a lot of it. Personal space is the physical distance immediately surrounding someone into which any encroachment feels uncomfortable. Its width depends upon the person—introverts typically need more space than extroverts.

Personal space is an issue because the area extending about one foot around our body, is typically open for one reason only—intimacy. When someone with whom we are not on intimate terms enters that space, it feels like aggression. That feeling causes our sympathetic nervous system to kick into action, increasing our stress chemicals.  In short, we experience anxiety. Our first impulse is to step back, but if that does not work, or if it is impossible, we, too, will become aggressive.

Personal space also includes the dimension of time. Those who need more space will typically have a greater need for time alone. After being with friends and family in close quarters, some of us need a time of retreat to gather ourselves. When we are not able to have that period of solitude, we feel grouchy and fractious. Understanding one’s need for personal space is an important part of relationship.  Differing needs for privacy may lead to misunderstandings between partners; one or both may feel encroached upon, or ignored. It is wise to sort out these needs early in relationships and make every effort to respect the differences.

Sometimes, we cannot physically claim personal space, especially when we live in a communal situation such as a barracks or dorm. But we can create the illusion of space by the use of headphones, or furniture arrangement that blocks the view of others in the room. People who need a distraction free environment for work or study will appreciate even small adjustments that help them to shut out as much stimulation as possible.

After the holiday, packed with family and friends and activities, some of us are enjoying quiet time today.  We are taking time to regroup, recharge and reclaim our personal space.  Tomorrow is another day. We’ll come back to it refreshed.

            In the Spirit,
                 Jane