Black Diamonds

Healing Memories

“Forgiving does not erase our bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.”

Lewis B. Smedes

Many of us carry unhealed memories with us like black diamonds, stowed away in the darkest chambers of our hearts. We don't want to look at them, but we aren't willing to cast them out either. Beginning with the missteps of our parents, to the slights and rude insinuations of our youth, to the losses and pains of love affairs gone wrong, we collect and store our painful memories. Some of us have legitimate grievances, brutal recollections; almost all of us feel the lingering irritation of a bitter memory that simply hovers in the background forever.

We are told, “put it behind you,” “get over it,” “move on,” “let it go, for crying out loud,” but somehow we can't. There is no delete button to hit that will take it away. So, what can we do? The only answer to that question is forgiveness. We can do whatever it takes to forgive, and it may take a while and a lot of work. One beginning step is to take those black diamonds out of the safe deposit box and look closely at them. Step by step, recall. It's good to do this in a physical way—by writing down the details of the memory, or by telling them to someone else, preferably a counselor or clergy, but if not, your best friend. Then, begin the forgiveness process by enumerating the lessons you learned from this passage in your life. What did it teach you? Dark as it seems, there is a kernel of light.

In her new book, Learning to Walk in the Dark, Barbara Brown Taylor writes, “I have learned things in the dark that I could never have learned in the light, things that have saved my life over and over again, so that there is only one logical conclusion. I need the darkness as much as I need the light.” There are many important soul lessons that can only be reached in darkness. Even darkness that makes your knees wobble will give up its diamonds if you begin to trust that you have the resources to look closely. Forgiveness is the first step toward healing.

                                               In the Spirit,

                                                  Jane