Get
Real
“We
need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To
have real conversation with people may seem like such a simple,
obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk.”
Thomas
Moore (Care of the Soul)
We
mostly go through our days having polite conversation with people
around us. Our inquiries, “Hi, how are you?” and responses, “I'm
fine, thank you. And you?” are as empty as baskets, and hold less,
too. We reveal nothing of ourselves and expect nothing in return. In
men the conversation may sound more like, “Hey, man, how about
those Broncos!” and “What a game!” which is just as
meaningless. We participate in these exchanges as a way to
acknowledge one another only, and not to connect in any real way. It's like putting on camouflage and standing in the forest, or
having a steady diet of cotton candy.
Most
of us can count our true friends on one hand. True being the ones we
disarm for; we strip off whatever pseudo-real persona we are wearing,
and get down to skin and bone. We don't try to fool them because they
know us well enough to call us on it. We don't pretend to be happy
when we're not, or unconcerned when we are, or perky when we're weary
to the core. We're real and they are too. We speak from our hearts
and from our guts, and so do they.
Your
soul and mine are nourished by real relationships. The tinsel and
bows of polite formality do nothing for the soul, except ward off
over-exposure. It's important that we don't have intimate
relationships with everyone we meet, but it's even more important
that we have genuine conversation with people who care about us. One
of the good things about support groups, such as 12-step programs, is
that they provide a safe container for people who are vulnerable and
in need of compassion, to go and be real and open. Addictions are
diseases of the soul, and loving community can help to heal them.
This
time of year, when happiness is the expectation, “Joy to the World”
and all that, some of us are not. Some of us just bear down an get
through the holidays as best we can. These are the times to seek out
people with whom we can be real. People who will not tell us that we
shouldn't feel the way we feel, but who will stand with us in our
truth. We may have to do a little digging, but they're out there. We
won't find solace in a bottle or a pill, but we will find it in open
and honest conversation with people who share our experience and
don't condemn us for our sadness. If we can find the courage, and
take the risk of exposing our realness, there are others who will do
the same. Consider it a Christmas gift to your soul.
In
the Spirit,
Jane
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