Did you miss me?

Losing Loneliness

“Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.”

                                         Mother Teresa

Did you miss me? Yesterday was the first day in over a year I didn't write this blog. I traveled with my son to Atlanta to pick up his furniture. We left very early, which is when I usually write. I missed you!

All this “missing” got me thinking about loneliness—an epidemic in our technologically connected, spiritually disconnected world. Most of us think loneliness results from being unloved by another. And certainly, we are mammals, and we do require connection within a community of other humans for optimal well-being. But loneliness is more than the absence of a significant other. In the words of Brendan Francis, “At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one's lost self.”

Life has a way, through losses of every sort, of stripping away all the props that we use to keep us from our existential lonesomeness. Most of us move at light speed through our days, and busy-ness is certainly one way to divert our attention. Unfortunately, drugs and alcohol also play this role. Another diversion—our unbalanced reliance on extroversion. We value people who are 'out-going' more than people who are not. We fear that if we have an inclination toward introversion, we will be less popular and therefore, lonely. And, there is the Catch 22. Constant extroversion causes us to lose touch with ourselves. We give no time to solitude, to self-expression, to inner dialog. Sooner or later, and especially when there is no one around with whom to relate, we have no self to fall back on. Significant time spent in developing a relationship to oneself gives us the inner connections we need to ward off loneliness.

There are times when I envy extroverted people, I'll be honest about it. Navigating the social milieu of our complicated world is second nature to them. Being an introvert is something of a handicap. I do, however, value the stability and thoughtfulness of the unapologetic introverts I know. They tend to be deep thinkers, not shy and backward as most of us believe. They also make good and true friends—not just social acquaintances. They are more likely to share our sorrows as well as our joys.

Feeling lonely is not a happy place to be unless you're a poet or a country music writer. Spend some time getting to know yourself. When you are self-connected, you'll have more to offer others than a “glad-hand.”

                                            In the spirit,

                                               Jane