Starting
Over
“What
do you first do when you're learning to swim? You make mistakes, do
you not? And what happens? You make other mistakes, and when you have
made all the mistakes you possibly can without drowning—and some of
them many times over—what do you find? That you can swim! Well,
life is just the same as learning to swim. Do not be afraid of making
mistakes, for there is no other way of learning how to live.”
Alfred
Adler
Life
is a series of mistakes, backward steps, and blind alleys—all
necessary to the learning process. Some of the mistakes we make cost
us dearly, and some are minor inconveniences. Mistakes are not the
problem—it's what you do in response to them that matters. If you
are able to shake off the dust, however loathsome and dense it may be,
learn from the mistake, and begin again, then there is hope of
turning a travesty into a triumph. If making mistakes stops you in
your tracks, or makes you tuck tail and run, there is no hope either
of learning, or of triumph.
I
am a grand maker of mistakes. Most of us have certain kinds of
blunders that we make over and over, like some exotic dance to which
we alone know the steps. I have many more than one. Very early in
life, we learn patterns of behavior, coping skills, and ways of
defending ourselves that we come back to repeatedly. My particular
favorites are rationalization and denial. I have a lifetime of
practice with those and have honed them into a fine work of art. Some
people are more comfortable simply tuning out, or having another
drink or piece of chocolate cake, or blaming others for whatever
seems amiss in their lives—all of which are dead-ends. No learning
takes place there.
The
very best that we can hope for is that our mistakes will become so
obvious, so loud and outrageous, that we cannot ignore them or wave
them away. Then we can begin again by fitting in another piece of the
jigsaw puzzle that is life.
In
the spirit,
Jane
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