Do you love to gossip?

Juicy Gossip

“The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.”

Will Rogers

Gossip is a sacred Southern tradition. We love to sit over our coffee or a glass of wine and gab about everybody we know. It isn't always malicious, of course; sometimes it is simply an exchange of information, or bringing someone up to date on a situation of mutual interest. But, let's face it, we all love to gossip.

Recently, I heard an interview with an author who had written a book about gossip and its place in American culture. According to him—and it was a MAN—gossip is the way we bond with one another. And this is true from very early on. I still remember the fourth grade, when girls traveled in cliques based on who their friends were, and who they were not. Those boundaries were fluid at nine. If someone flirted with our most recent crush, she was instantly out of the clique and listed among the “enemies.” If we disliked someone and there was no available real-life gossip to spread, we simply made up something. As adults, we do the same thing with only a little more sophistication.

I think that most gossip gets a bad rap. When we're among friends, we talk about weather and work, the books we're reading, new ideas, and what's going on with the relatives; after we've exhausted all the usual subjects, what else is there to discuss except our own life struggles and triumphs and those of others. We can exchange impressions on what would work and what wouldn't, what we would do in their position, how we think they might handle this or that problem. Most gossip isn't meant to harm, its only meant to bring closer together the people who are talking—it is about bonding. And, it is a universal means of human communication.

Where gossip runs afoul is when it is designed to hurt, or to ruin the reputation of someone else. And yet, gossip is sometimes our way of getting our angry feelings and our dark desires out in the open in a safe environment. If we trust the person we're speaking to, it can be a good way to resolve those thoughts and feelings within a safe container. Once said, once acknowledged, we have a better read on our own shadow side; we know what we are capable of feeling, of desiring. And knowing this may just enhance our realization that we're not so precious ourselves. We have this side that wants to lash out—better to do it with someone we trust, than to act on it and harm someone else.

I never thought I would be justifying gossip, and I'm not supporting mean-spirited, and unfounded behind-the-back sniping. Just as there are good and bad sides to most things, there are good and bad sides to human conversation. Today, let's keep our gossip clean. Juicy, but clean.

                                                In the spirit,

                                                    Jane