Making Amends

Repairing the Past

“We become so preoccupied with what we are not able to address, what we are not able to mend, what we are not able to leave behind, that we forget that whatever we are in the light of day is slowly, but surely, healing the rest of us.”

                                        Mark Nepo (The Book of Awakening)

Have you ever done something so wrong that you just can't shake the memory? Something so bad or unfair that you try to hide it even from yourself? Sometimes we do things, or say things, in anger that we can't take back, and in doing so, we damage our relationships irreconcilably. And then, we make ourselves pay for it for the rest of our lives.

Sometimes the best thing to do in such cases is to make amends to whomever I've have hurt or wronged. By make amends, I mean to tell them what I did and how sorry I am for having hurt them. Tell them, 'I will do whatever is necessary to make it up to you.' Ask for their forgiveness.

Sometimes making amends is not possible, or would do further harm. In such cases, it is good to decide for yourself what is necessary for you to do, and for how long you must do it, to make up for that ill deed. Give yourself a good, old-fashioned penance. I'm serious! It has worked for the Catholic Church for thousands of years. Guilt, even deserved guilt, is a caustic emotion. Like regret, it will eat you up and make you sad and forlorn.

What you do to make up for your mistake should be sufficiently difficult that, when it's done, you will feel justified in forgiving yourself. You can say, 'Okay, I've done my penance, I've served my time, and now I can move on.' Life is too short, and too precious, to spend it regretting and feeling guilty for something you've done in the past. Do what you need to do, and then move into the light of day forgiven.

                                                 In the spirit,

                                                          Jane