Speak Up!

Finding One's Voice

“When we don't listen to our intuition, we abandon our souls. And we abandon our souls because we are afraid if we don't, others will abandon us. We've been raised to question what we know, to discount and discredit the authority of our gut.”

                  Terry Tempest Williams (When Women Were Birds)

Here is a good thing to ponder in the waning days of 2012. How have I abandoned myself in the last year, and how can I refrain from doing so in the new year? Terry Tempest Williams writes about the ways that women abandon themselves in her book, When Women Were Birds. We give in to the wants and needs of spouses, children, elderly parents, grandchildren and friends. Most of the time we do this because we choose to, and have no regrets about it. But at some point, we have to come home to roost in ourselves. We have to find our own voice, and learn how to speak our own words. As Williams' says, “It's not the lips of a prince that will save us, but our own lips speaking.”

Not only do women abandon themselves. Men do, too. The expectations on men are more enormous now than ever. Just two generations ago, men had two jobs—to provide and protect. Nowadays, men are still expected to do those, plus share equally in the responsibilities of child-rearing and housekeeping. “It's high time,” you say; nevertheless, they must give up a piece of themselves to keep the peace.

To an extent, it is socially necessary to abandon being self-centered. It is the price we pay for living in a communal culture where we must get along and do our share in order for the whole to prosper. We can't always put our needs and desires first. Yet, at some point, we need to speak our truth. Not to do so, is to abandon one's own soul; and, when we do that, we have little of value to offer the community.

Sometimes, silencing one's own voice has become such an habitual way of living that we have to learn how to speak ourselves. We may do so haltingly at first, and others may think it's so out of character that we've lost our mind, or are having a mid-life crisis. Don't let that stop you. All new behaviors take practice. We must find the voice within that is authentic, yet kind. Speaking one's truth is not license to lacerate others with our words.

All in all, year's end is a great time for figuring out what to pack up and leave behind in the old year—regrets, resentments, for instance—and what to carry into the New Year. Giving credence to one's intuition, speaking in one's own voice—these are worthy of making the journey.

                                             In the spirit,

                                                 Jane