Holiday
Havoc
“There
is a saying that the world is divided into people who think they are
right.”
Tara
Brach (Radical Acceptance)
With
the opening volley of the 2012 holidays upon us, it is time to
consider self-preservation. Some of us look forward to the weeks
beginning with Thanksgiving and extending through New Year's day, but
others of us approach them with dread. I had a conversation with
friends last night about what makes the holidays so
stressful. The consensus was that we have huge expectations that are
never, or rarely, fulfilled. We come away disappointed year after
year.
For
many of us, though, the holidays are darker than that. We have “crazy family”
syndrome. We get together with extended family and invariably all the childhood resentments, the jealousies, and
envies come roaring to the surface and spill out into the cranberry
sauce. All the sibling rivalries are loosed by libation and
proximity, surrogate battles are fought by distant clansmen and
tribal factions. For some of us the holidays are, at the very least,
an annual skirmish, and at worst, a full-on family bloodletting.
Ho-ho-ho-Happy New Year!
So
with that in mind, all of you who have nice, kind and considerate
families can go on and make the pumpkin pies. Happy Thanksgiving! The
rest of us will come up with a strategy for survival.
My
first suggestion, the one I plan to try this year, is to ignore the
trouble maker. Sometimes, the one who incites hostilities just wants
to have the attention of everyone else centered on him/her. Ignore this.
Don't bite. Just smile sweetly and say, 'could you pass the broccoli,
please,' and move on.
Secondly,
if you have control of the schedule, minimize the amount of time
spent with the warring factions. No time is best, but if you can't
manage that, spend the least amount possible. Make an appearance, say
nice things and then take your leave.
And
third, if things get ugly, especially if they get ugly under your
roof, take the guest aside and suggest in the kindest way possible,
that they leave. Be prepared to burn that bridge for the sake of
self-preservation, for the sake of those who don't want to fight, and
for the sake of future holidays. Cede the battle. There is no
disgrace in wanting peace in your own home.
I
hope that everyone of you has a fine and stress-free Thanksgiving. It
is a great time to enjoy the company of the people we love. Give
thanks, break bread and eat hardy.
In
the spirit,
Jane
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