What makes it good?

Loving Relationships

“There's one sad truth in life I've found

while traveling east and west--

the only folks we really wound

are those we love the best.

We flatter those we scarcely know,

we please the fleeting guest,

and deal full many a thoughtless blow

to those we love the best.”

                                             Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Sharing a house with others this week has given me an opportunity to observe relationships up-close and personal. I've discovered something that won't surprise you—the best relationships are those in which both parties work to understand one another at a deep level, and allow the other to be who they are in spite of differences. In relationships, it seems, there is no room for judgment and bad attitude even when we truly dislike something about the other; not if we want to stay connected with that other.

Another lesson observed and reminded of this week is that relationships grow best in sunlight, not in shade. When we are too close, too dependent on one another, sooner or later someone feels smothered. The very closeness that was so appealing when we were first attracted to one another, is the death knell of a long term relationship. Unless we have freedom to grow independently, we will become something like a bonsai—gnarled and stunted—perhaps attractive on the outside, but only a tiny fraction of what we would be had there been space to grow.

And, finally, the major ingredient in prosperous relationships is trust—even more than love, trust is the ground on which healthy relationships stand. We must feel secure in the hours and moments when we are not together, that we can depend upon the other to be who we believe them to be. Lack of trust undermines everything good, and once trust is lost, it is not easily restored. Obviously, a healthy relationship is composed of two healthy people; ones who, for the love of self and other, work on their own insufficiency and recognize that when they are the one with the problem, they are the one with the solution as well.

The sun is rising on a cool, overcast day here in the mountains. A light rain patters on the golden leaves outside my window. It will be a good day to build a fire and read a book. I hope that wherever you are, you're awaking to the same delight that I am.

                                     In the spirit,

                                     Jane