Surviving Loneliness

Love and Survival

“Our survival depends on the healing power of love, intimacy, and relationships. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. As individuals. As communities. As a country. As a culture. Perhaps even as a species.”

                           Dean Ornish, M.D. (Love and Survival)

Dean Ornish is best known for his books about diet and heart disease. In Love and Survival, however, he takes a different track. He looks at lifestyle as a whole and specifically, at the role that loving relationships play in our overall health. He argues that lack of love and intimacy in our lives makes us sick, and that having a loving, caring community can heal us of a multitude of ills. I have found this to be so.

We know that some people survive well after the death of a spouse, while others do not. The difference seems to be how well that person is integrated into a caring community. Does he have heart-invested involvements that keep him juicy and in love with life? Does she have close, intimate friendships? Does he belong to others who will love and support him? Critical questions in not just surviving, but thriving.

There is always a degree of existential loneliness in life, married or not, and even in the midst of the busy, child-rearing years. There are certain things we must face alone even though we are surrounded by family and community. There is no avoiding that fact. And when we encounter feelings of loneliness, we should realize that they are a normal part of being human—of being warm blooded, and mammalian. A wise friend once told me that the more sensitive you are, the more impacted you are by the degree of strife and hardship in the world. The more in touch you are with your own feelings, the more the world breaks your heart. In such times, having one close friend makes all the difference.

There's an old James Taylor song, “Shower the People”, that while sappy, is still good advice:

                “Shower the people you love with love.

                  Show them the way that you feel.

                  Things are gonna work out fine if you only will..”

                                            In the spirit,

                                            Jane