Is there fire in your belly?

Becoming More

“For a moment, turn a deaf ear to all the cries and appeals and listen to the voice of your own being. Who are you? What are your gifts? What gives you the greatest joy? What have you to offer? Begin the search for your unique vocation by heeding the advice of some wise men. 'Follow your bliss,' said Joseph Campbell. 'To thine own self be true,' wrote Shakespeare. The search for what we have to contribute to life begins when we explore our unique selves.”

                                             Sam Keen (Fire in the Belly)

The subtitle of Fire in the Belly is 'On Being a Man', but much of what it has to say is equally relevant to women. Really, it is a book about turning away from what society tells us we should be, and discovering what we really are. We could make a list of all the expectations placed on men—be strong, unemotional, brave, capable, potent, and financially successful. There's not much in there that allows for a man's softness, his emotions, his tenderness, his fear. Thankfully, this template is changing. Men are now allowed to be more than producers and maintainers---they can be human beings, too.

Yesterday on the internet, people were tweeting about Olympic Gold Medal winner, Gabby Douglas' hair. Not her poise, not her strength, not her determined athleticism, but her hair and how it was not good enough. I listened to an interview on NPR chastising people about being so catty and small minded. This focus on the superficial is unfortunately common, especially for women. When women acquire the traits listed above for men, they become less than women. They are described as 'shrill' and 'arrogant'. This too is changing, but slowly, too slowly.

As a society, we are more concerned with appearance than we are with substance. We tend to stress superlatives, like beauty and star power, rather than the quieter virtues of hard work, focus, reliability, and trust. We give attention to people who are easy on the eyes regardless of whether they have anything to offer beyond that.

The way to change this culture of superficiality is to do what all great religions demand: 'repent', which means literally, 'to turn around and come home'. We can begin to question the collective values. We can do as Sam Keen suggests and listen to the voice of our own being. Instead of asking, 'how do I look', we can ask, 'what do I love' and 'what is the gift I have to offer to the world'. These are good and worthy questions for both men and women.

                                             

                                         In the spirit,

                                         Jane