Life in the not-so-fast lane.

Hesitation

“…I have discovered, again and again, that I usually know what I need to do but just deny it, and it is this small hesitation, this small resistance to enter what is real, that makes life feel neutral or out of reach.”
Mark Nepo

An old friend of mine died last week. He was in his eighties, had been in relatively good health until recently, then sickened and quickly died. He and his wife have been living in a retirement community for years and many times I have thought that I should visit them; just go, sit down and chat a while. But I didn’t. Now he is dead, and his wife has Alzheimer’s and most likely would not know me. I regret that I didn’t take the trouble to visit. I lost something in that small hesitation; something that would have enriched my life.

So often, I put things off because they are inconvenient or get in the way of something else I want to do. My cousin, Sandy, is not like that. She has a spontaneous spirit. At Valentine’s, for instance, she took gifts to the nursing staff at the Lutheran Home, and to neighbors and friends. She carts boatloads of clothes to various folks because she knows ‘this will fit her style’. She donates her time and energy to a shelter for battered women. She does these things because it is simply her nature to do it. I envy her natural generosity. She doesn’t equivocate—she just does it.

I am not a spur-of-the-moment type, which also means I’m not impulsive. I am thoughtful. Some would call it ‘dull’ and perhaps ‘sluggish’. Most of the time, my unadventurous nature serves me well; I’m not reckless, I don’t often find myself in difficult situations. But, there are times when one should not hesitate. There are times when one should just get up and go full throttle, and not worry about the ‘what-ifs’. Life is juicier when you live without the brakes on.

If you know there is something you need to do today, just do it. Acting without hesitation will sometimes feel like careening around sharp turns, but it will also feel more alive and real. I’m going to try it my self...maybe.

Slow moving in Birmingham,
Jane