High Expectations
“We may pass violets looking for roses. We may pass contentment looking for victory.”
When I was a little girl, my mother wanted me to behave like the kind of girl she was—pretty and prissy and feminine. My father, a man’s man and engineer, thought I should make high grades in math and aspire to law school. Needless to say, I didn’t live up to the expectations of either. I was a tom-boy who flunked algebra. Their disappointment weighed on me as grew up; I felt ‘less-than’, somehow slow and gawky. The real abilities that I did have, in literature, in art, were tolerated, but not deemed especially valuable assets. My parents were not bad people. They were doing what all parents do; pushing their child to achieve. They had high expectations of me; particular expectations based on their own world view, and were disappointed when I didn’t live up to them.
It is natural and normal to have high aspirations for ourselves, our children, and others. But it is a good idea to examine our expectations now and then. Becoming aware of your child’s innate gifts and talents and supporting those is critical to their adult success. Typically, children will show their unique proclivities early in life, as toddlers. I remember my son, Jake, drawing murals on his bedroom wall at two. He couldn’t get enough of coloring and creating. The other son, Ian, was a people-person from birth. He never knew a stranger and had no idea that children were supposed to be seen and not heard. Children come here whole. It is our duty as parents, teachers and coaches to preserve and encourage that wholeness.
Likewise, we should encourage our own wholeness by examining our expectations of ourselves. Are they realistic? Are they in line with our true abilities and our heart-sense? If not, how would they need to change? Having high expectations of ourselves is one thing, having unrealistic expectations is quite another. One is life giving, and the other harms our sense of self. The 'good life' is all about balance and living our truth.
Blessings,
Jane
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