Playing by the Rules

Rules for Life

“Four rules for life: Show up.  Pay attention.  Tell the truth.  Don’t be attached to the results.”

                                  Angeles Arrien

“Most sacraments are acts of breathtaking simplicity...”

                                  Wayne Muller

         A man said to me recently, “I’m a pretty uncomplicated guy.”  I’ll admit, the old adage about men being simple ran through my mind in an uncomplimentary way.  But upon further thought, I realized that to say one is uncomplicated is really pretty amazing.  Just to go through one’s day, taking things as they come, not adding layers of meaning to even simple acts would be like taking a vacation to most women.  Women tend to be…well, complicated.  Most of the women I know would treasure a day in which they only did the task at hand, and steered clear of “meaning” all together.  In fact, when I want to “take a break” I usually sweep the basement, or sort and organize things.  Simple tasks clear the mind.

         I like Angeles Arrien’s rules of life.  They are simple.  Show up.  Does that mean just be present?  Or, does it mean being fully present in every minute.  That is a lot harder to do.  Being present in every minute means that I not be constantly distracted by my technology; not answering email or texting or tweeting.  It means that I not be mentally running through my “to do” list while engaged in something else.  In the words of Ram Dass, it means being here, now.  Maybe it’s not so simple.

         Pay attention.  How many of us actively listen when another is speaking?  How many notice their body language, their eyes, and their demeanor? Do we listen with our hearts as well as our ears?  Do we listen to understand, or are we racing ahead to what we want to say in response? 

         Tell the truth.  Uh, oh.  Truth requires that we look within as well as without; that we assess our own feelings and thoughts and motives.  We must choose our words carefully so as not to batter someone else with our truth.  Telling the truth involves realizing that my truth is only my truth, and quite possibly, your truth is the exact opposite, and yet both are true.

         Don’t be attached to the results.  OMG!  But, what if I want things to go the way I think is best?  What if someone I care about makes a really bad decision?  Worst of all, what if it's one of my children!

         Maybe it is the simple things that are most difficult to do well. 

                                  Complicated,

                                  Jane