New Eyes
“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”
Marcel Proust
There is a technique in Gestalt therapy called the two-chair dialog. When one person is in conflict with another (or with opposing parts of himself), he sits in one chair and states the problem from his own point of view, then moves to the other chair and responds to it from the other person’s perspective. Moving back and forth, he is able to gain understanding—to see the problem through different eyes. Often, when taking the position of the other person, he begins to feel the way the other may feel, and thereby achieves insight into the other’s motives. It is a way of clarifying one’s own beliefs, and developing empathy for the other person.
Being able to take another’s world view, to see the world through their eyes, is an important skill to develop. It allows one to move from a position of defensiveness to a place of understanding. It paves the way to better, stronger relationships, and helps us to see that our perspective is only one among many, no more right or righteous than any other. But it is hard to achieve in these polarized times. There seems to be little appetite for empathy.
In our country and in our personal relationships, believing the old saw, “if you are not with me, you’re against me” has set up this divide and set us to pulling in opposite directions. Always in such situations, voices for mediation and reconciliation are drowned out by fierce rhetoric aimed at pulling in one direction only. Instead of empathy, we have acrimony, instead of compassion, hatred.
We can bring heart and soul into our relationships if we choose. We can operate from a place of empathy and understanding. But it requires that we turn away from those who provoke division, including ourselves, and look with new eyes toward common ground.
I wish you peace,
Jane
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