Toxic Relationships

Cleaning Up Your Relationships

“Creating a simple life isn’t always simple.  Some steps, like stopping the junk mail…can be accomplished in a matter of minutes.  Others, like moving to a smaller house or cleaning up your relationships, can take much longer and be among the most difficult things you ever have to do.”

                                  Elaine St. James

         Have you ever been in a relationship—personal, business, or friendship—that sapped your energy?  You may have gone into it full of hope and infatuation but now you realize that it is draining your life blood.  Some people and situations are energy vampires.  They will truly suck the life right out of you if you let them.  Here are some examples: the friend who always calls with a problem, and insists on telling you every single, sad detail; the lover who clings to you and never feels loved enough; the boss who wants every minute of your life to be devoted to work; the relative who wants to involve you into all of the family dramas; the child who at thirty-something is still living in your basement.  Recognize any of these folks?

         Getting out of toxic relationships can take time and planning.  Sometimes it is possible not to confront, but simply to fade out of that person’s life or out of that entangling situation.  Sometimes, confrontation is the best course of action.  Occasionally, relationships can be transformed by straightforward dialog or counseling.  But if you are involved in a relationship that you have tried to change, confronted to no avail and you know that it is going nowhere, for the sake of your own precious life, and theirs, it is wise to end it.  Continuing in such a poisonous setting is hazardous to your physical and mental health and it is equally unhealthy for the other person.  If all or most of your energy is going into maintaining your defenses or propping up someone else, then that energy isn’t available to nourish either your body or your spirit.

         Make a plan, set a time line, and designate the steps toward ending your toxic relationships.  If you know where you’re going, it will be easier to get there.  If you need help to do it, don’t be afraid to ask for it.  Support groups, counseling, and loving friendships are all excellent sources assistance.  You can do this—believe me when I say that many others have gone before you.  Life is waiting on the other side.

                                  Shalom,

                                  Jane