How's your E.Q?

Emotional Intelligence

“A concept developed in the 1990’s by psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer, Emotional Intelligence is the ability to understand, articulate and manage emotions.  Emotionally intelligent people recognize their feelings and are able to rein in or reframe negative emotions, such as anger, aggression and anxiety.  They are equally adept at understanding the feelings of other people, and working sympathetically with them to overcome any negative emotions that they might be experiencing.”

                                  David Ross (1001 Pearls of Wisdom)

         Emotional intelligence is not related to one’s I.Q., although one who achieves high scores in both categories is destined for success in life.  Emotional intelligence begins with the ability to know what one is feeling, which sounds easy, doesn’t it?  However, if one grew up in a family where negative emotions were not allowed expression or were severely punished, one learned to squash them and eventually, to not feel them.  In psychological terms, they were repressed.  In adulthood, this person will resort to small, malicious acts designed to sabotage, without outright displays of anger.  We refer to them as passive-aggressive, and experience them as hostile and, usually, cold.

On the other hand, when a child handles problems by acting out, hitting, screaming, cursing, etc, that child learns to overpower others with aggressive behavior.  If such a child sees that tantrums are rewarded by getting what is wanted, by successfully intimidating the adults around him/her, the terrorizing behavior is reinforced and carried into adulthood.  We experience these people as scary, hair-triggered, and dangerous.

People who have been following the Casey Anthony trial in Orlando, Florida, have seen several prime examples of low emotional intelligence.  I have caught bits of it on the evening news, and felt dismayed by those coming to observe the trial actually stampeding into the halls of justice, and slugging each other for a place in line.  The folks on the stand appear tame compared to the ones in the gallery.  Malignant voyeurism is at an all time high in this country. 

Of course, there is no scarcity of examples of low emotional intelligence in the political arena.  Last year in the Alabama legislature, one duly elected Senator punched another one in the face for an offensive remark.  And he’s still there—at tax-payer expense.  And then there’s the case of Rep. Anthony Weiner.  We wont’ go there. 

Emotional Intelligence is in short supply these days.  It is rare to meet an adult who speaks his/her mind in a clear but non-threatening manner; and even rarer to encounter someone who is empathetic and skilled at managing strong emotions in others.  As a country, we are in our adolescence and it shows.  Lord, have mercy—will the adults please stand up!

                 In all things give thanks, I think…

                 Jane