Being Real

Being You

“That’s what real love amounts to---letting a person be what he really is.  Most people love you for who you pretend to be.  To keep their love, you keep pretending, performing.  You get to love your pretence.  It’s true; we’re locked into an image, an act—and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks.  They love their chains.  They forget all about who they really are.  And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it; they feel like you’re trying to steal their most precious possession.”

                                        Jim Morrison.

          Think of a person you know who is authentically themselves; who does not change depending on who they are with, and who does not try to impress, attract or one-up anyone.  Most of us would be able to call to mind one or two individuals at best.  I would imagine that when you are with that person, you feel safe and free to be exactly who you are, too. 

          I was in a psychology group recently where each person was supposed to introduce themselves to the group.  As it went around the room, people said their names and then a long list of accumulated titles, degrees and achievements.  I had the distinct image of the Wizard of Oz—little, bitty man hiding behind a subterfuge of smoke and mirrors.  In a group of supposedly enlightened human beings, is this what we’ve come to--smoke and mirrors?

          How dangerous is it to be who you are?  How hard is it to allow those we love to be exactly who they are?  I was listening to one of my sons on the phone yesterday.  He, like millions of others, has been down-sized, and laid off and has struggled with employment issues for close to two years.  He is frustrated and angry and demoralized.  I wrestled with myself just listening, because everything in me wanted to change the way he feels, or cheer him up, or make it better.  Allowing people to be who they are and where they are is difficult, especially when we love them and want them to be happy.  And, yet, Jim Morrison was right when he said ‘that’s what real love amounts to.’

          Being real in an unreal world is taxing, but it is a first step toward peace of mind and harmony of spirit.  When we are who we are, without smoke and mirrors, we have a lot more energy for living life.  When we can allow others to be who they are, they feel safe and loved.  It’s a win-win, y’all.

                                        Keep the faith,

                                        Jane