"Put a little love in your heart."

Self-Esteem

“If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.”

                                                Ralph Waldo Emerson

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.  The praise of others is most welcome when it crowns rather that bolsters our self-worth.  When our sense of our own value depends on the views of others, it slips out of our control, rising and falling like the thread of mercury in a thermometer.”

                                                David Ross

            Do you have a critical voice in your head---one that says that you are stupid and can’t do anything right?  I do. When he’s really on his game, he tells me I’m fat and ugly and nobody loves me and I’m a terrible mother who’s damaged her children and disappointed her now dead parents—and anything else he can drag out of my cellar of fears.  That voice exists in the psyche of anyone who ever had a critical parent, teacher, or other significant person in childhood.  It is an amalgam of harsh people and may be masculine or feminine.  His/her job is to beat you down and produce such low self-esteem that you are impotent to do anything creative or daring. 

The trick to damage control when it comes to this beast is to stop him before he gets started.  It is helpful to give the devil a name.  Mine is Earnest, because I believe the original voices that gave birth to him were earnestly trying to correct my mistakes and help me be a better person.   Now, whenever he rears his ugly head, I say, “Shut up, Earnest!  I’m not listening to you!”  Usually he slinks away, muttering to himself.

            All of us are subject to low self-esteem at some time in our lives and some of us are living with it everyday.  Kids who are bullied at school or on the internet are truly suffering from it.  The best remedy for this growing problem is to help children from a very early age develop skills and personal traits that make them feel good about themselves.

Harsh criticism is not constructive to anyone at any age.  Learning how to tell someone, including oneself, that you don’t like what they’re doing in a way that is both clear and non-derisive, is an essential skill in building robust self-esteem.  Creating a kinder, gentler world begins with being kinder and gentler with ourselves.  I hope you will give yourself a little love and respect today. 

                                                                        Keeping the faith,

                                                                        Jane